Saturday, July 23, 2005

My brother just tried to have sex with me

Funny **** from LUE (Life, Universe, and Everything else board from Gamefaqs, among the greatest message board community that I've been to)

From: kperspon | Posted: 7/20/2005 12:29:31 AM | Message Detail
I had been browsing LUE, because I've been waiting for my psychologist call and update me as to what the oneirologist said. Anyways, after a while, I got really hungry. I got up, and went to make a sammich. While I was eating it, my dog came over to me, so I chucked him a piece of bologna. On my way back to the computer, I noticed that my brother had just gotten home from his date with Cheryl, his girlfriend. He looked pretty depressed, and didn't even say anything to me. I didn't think much of it, and I went back to the computer. After a while of browsing LUE, someone IMed me, and asked me if I heard what happened to my brother. It turned out that when out on the date, Cheryl admitted to my brother that she had been cheating on him. My brother just strarted swearing at her, and told her it was over. I assume that's about when he came home. Anyways, I decided that I should try to go and comfort him. He and Cheryl had been going out for 3 years, so it must've really hurt when he found out that he had been cheating on him.

I went upstairs, into his bedroom. His door was closed, but I knocked, and he didn't reply. I opened the door, but he wasn't there. I sat on his bed, and started to think about where he might have gone. I knew that he must've still been in the house, because I never heard the front door close or anything. All of a sudden, I heard a squirt, and then the covers on his bed started moving. Around then, I noticed that his room really stank. It was an almost inhuman smell. I was scared. Was there a zombie in my brothers bed? I quickly ripped off the covers, only to find my dog quivering in a pool of diarrhea.

"****," I thought. I knew he was allergic to bologna, why did I give it to him earlier? I stripped my brother’s bed, and started to take the covers downstairs to the laundry room. When I got to the laundry room, I put all the covers in the washing machine, and started it. The soap smelt so much better than the diarrhea. It was a bit foamy looking, though. I went back upstairs, to get my dog. I grabbed him, and took him outside. I hosed him down, and then dried him off. He still smelt bad, but hey, wet dog still smells better than diarrhea. Too bad I smelt bad. I guess some of the dog crap rubbed off on me when I picked him up earlier. I went back inside, and went into the bathroom. I stripped off all of my clothes, and jumped in the shower. It was a really hot shower. The mirrors and windows in the bathroom all started to fog up. As I was washing, I started to have a little too much fun “down there”. As I was finishing up, I heard a deep rumbling.

“Dammit!” The washing machine must’ve been unbalanced. I ran downstairs, still covered in a bit of foam, and just wearing a towel. I got to the washing machine just before it moved too far away from the wall. On my way back to the bathroom, I saw my brother.

”Nice abs,” he said. I don’t really have abs, there’s just a faint outline of them. Anyways, I told him I wanted to talk to him afterwards. I went back into the bathroom, and got dressed. I was still wet though, and my t-shirt was wet enough so that you could really see the outline of my upper body. I went to my brothers room, expecting to see him there. He wasn’t. I thought for a bit, then decided to go get changed. I’d just wait and see where my brother was. I walked upstairs, and went into my room. Instead of finding a new shirt like I had been looking for, I found my brother.

“It’s really hot in here,” he said.

”Sure is,” I replied, “It’s always hot in the afternoons. The sun shines right into that window.”

He motioned for me to move closer to him. We ended up both sitting on the bed.

“What was it you wanted to talk about?” he asked?

“I heard about Cheryl… I just wanted to know you can talk to me.”

“Oh, thanks. I really don’t have much to say. I hate that *****. That’s all. No problem here. I’m better off without her.”

“Okay… Well, you were going out with her for 3 years… Didn’t she matter to you?”

”Not really, no. I had just been using her the whole time. I used her for BJs. And occasional sex.”

”Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I didn’t like her at all, really. I’m just not into that kind of thing.”

”What ‘thing’?”



”I don’t like girls…”

“Holy crap, you’re not straight…”

”Does that bother you?”

”No, I’m just a bit surprised. How come you never told anyone?”

“I don’t know, I just didn’t. I was too embarrassed, I guess.”

By now, he had moved over pretty close to me on the bed. I was feeling kind of strange.

“Aren’t you going to take off your shirt?” he asked, as he took off his, “It’s really hot.”

I took it off. It was pretty hot. He started to put his arm around me.

“I don’t want to talk anymore,” he said.

He rolled over, right onto me. Before I knew it, he unzipped my pants. The thought of his hands rubbing me sort of excited me. I was feeling open to new things, and I had been pretty sexually frustrated.

“Go for it,” I said, “Do whatever you want. I’m open to anything.”

He started moving his hands, but to my surprise, he ripped off his face.

“Grah! Grmeg egsli siggl!”

Oh noes! He was Cthulhu. His tentacles quickly ripped off my left arm and broke both of my feet. He ripped my hair right from my scalp, and took some of my skin, too. He quickly shredded my flesh and devoured my soul. I soon realized that incest is not always best. I never should have let myself go like that.

I’m now in the hospital, and I think I’m going to die soon. Help me LUE, help me…

Summary: Read it yourself you lazy bastards.


Chewxy said...

Uh... wanted to comment. Found no words

鬼徒二等兵 said...

I was really into your story ...... until the end with the tentacles part...

Anonymous said...

LOL! That was FUNNY as HEL!

Anonymous said...

I lol'd more than a 2 foot asian on a hot bed of nails.

Anonymous said...

I had sex with my dad before. He pounded me when my mum went shopping. Today I had sex with my uncle. INCEST IS FANTASTIC!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

>.< Dammit! I wanted porn!! Incest makes me happy....

Anonymous said...

I had sex with my brother what it was is he plays with me rubbing his feet in my face i love boy feet but he didnot know that he had his socks on but then his sock came off omg the smell of is foot i loved it i just suck and suck. on his big tow he said what the hell.then i pulld his pand off i was going to pull is sock off but i got his pants then he said suck it i said what.then he said my cock suck it so i did the nex thing i rmember was being in his bed with his cum all over me it was so good

Joel P. said...

I'm 18, my sis is 16, we fuck all the is great!do it!

Anonymous said...

i eat my sister out once and then me and her were naked laying in bed togethere and i put my had on her pussy and she didnt stop me i stuck my finger in and she said it hurt but then i asked her if i could stick my cock in her she was a virgin and i toke it i came in her and it felt soo good but wrong we never did it again and dont talk about it but i stell jerk off to it to this day

Anonymous said...

I am 11 and my brother tried to bribe me with money to have sex it was like 200 dollars so I took it and then I said ok and he touched my pussy. We started kissing and he put his cock in my mouth and then turned upside-down and he started sucking my pussy again and I started sucking his cock at the same time. Then he said let's take it out side and he started driving around then he took me to the playground and he said let's play. We had more sex and then I started bleeding and I realized he had a knife and was cutting my side but his cock was still in my pussy and the neighbors came by and called the cops and now he is in jail and I have a big scar I had to have 26 stocked and nobody Knows that I let him have sex with me but me nut people think that he forced me into it and now I feel guilty!

Anonymous said...

It's a good story and it's got a nice moral's wrong to sleep with your siblings, especially in this day and age.
Our DNA is to simular so children with deformities could be born and it destroys bonds.

Although, I can't say too much on the matter considering I had a relationship with me cousin once...

Anonymous said...

Your all sick twats? What tosser has sex with a family member? You wouldnt do it with your grandparents? Wait dont answer it cause your all sick, dirty minded cunts!

Anonymous said...

fuck this was funny! i was totaly buying the story and i thought you were gonna shag him, then he trned into a zombie LMFAO!

Anonymous said...

lul sister sex is nice

Anonymous said...

this was stupid right when I was about to masturbate he's some fucking animal ?

Anonymous said...

Anybody wanna have sex im a virgin

Anonymous said...

Wow I was really in to that story intill the end let down he had a bonner :)

Anonymous said...

I had ex with my mom b4 Icummed all over her face wi still do it to dis day

Anonymous said...

Ill hav sex wit u

Anonymous said...

I do ar u e chick

Anonymous said...

Wtf is wrong with you people? Attention seeking? Lmfaooo. That's just gross asss'ff.

kotabear said...

Anyone wanna have sex?

Anonymous said...

I liked ur story until the end I thought that was kinda stupid but I liked the rest

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Very funny. Didn't he put a knife in your eye too?

john mark said...

i'll do ya too friend me on facebook at John Mark i won't hurt but i will have you n a pool of cum

Anonymous said...

Hey guis it's me Sania surani and I luv to have secks with disabled people beekuz I luv taking control!!!! 1 anyhow they make lotz of retard moaning noises so I just think they're always pleased when we are having sex :) Btw I'm lesbian!!!1

Anonymous said...

It's your cousin It's legal to marry them if you're feeling low down in any way you shouldn't I dated my cousin and to be honest I never classed her as family more as best friends, sure some say that's messed up but your own opinion is what matters :)

Anonymous said...

Haha how'd you end up here I was looking for a vibrating toothbrush

Anonymous said...

I wish I had a lil sister to fuck.... I had a lil brother instead asshole was tight and delicious but still I wish he would have been a girl

Anonymous said...

Wtf is wrong with you people,is your brother fuckin cyco

Hunter T said...

I'm 13 and I fuck my cousin and I dum in her ass all the time because incest is awesome

Anonymous said...

I wish I had a big brother who can fuck me everyday. I hate having an older sister -.- She's so annoying. I reaaly want a big brother.

Anonymous said...

Are you girl or boy? Cuz if you're a boy. I can have sex with you ;)

Anonymous said...

Nice story dude, I like that surrealism shit. Or is it a true story?

Huh? What's this shit?! Prove I'm not a robot??! Well I *am* a robot and am perfectly capable of typing that, how the fuck is typing "serv reatChe" supposed to pr—

Anonymous said...

good story

Anonymous said...

“Dreeeeeamer… nuthin’ but a dreeeeeamer…”

Anonymous said...

See, *this* one’s true…

Anonymous said...

You're all going to hell ..fuckin sicko

Anonymous said...

I wish you were in my family

Anonymous said...

Any girls wanna fuck?? I'm a guy

Anonymous said...

Let's sex chat guys 2BA7847E

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Anonymous said...

hello I'm 11 I know this may sound wrong but anyone in Grassmoor Wingfield or Hasland in the uk do u wanna have sex please don't judge.